Wednesday, December 24, 2003

"My God MY God why have you forsaken me"

Each lent I pondered the words of Christ, "Why have you forsaken me?" Even as a child I could not imagine Christ saying this and I took it to mean something entirely different. I could not wrap my brain around Christ being so vulnerable. I had meditated on this and I wanted understanding.

I had an opportunity to finally understand...

After I awoke from my c-section/hernia surgery after Julia was born, I was screaming. I had not had that reaction before, but I was screaming help help, and I shouted out "my God my God why have you forsaken me" (how embarrassing) well in an instant a priest from our parish, fr. Jerry, was right there in my face, the nurses were shouting "get out of here, you can't be in here" and I thanked him, he kind of blessed me as they were pushing him away. And also at that moment I heard the surgeon tell a nurse to put something in my IV and I felt better.
Anyway, when I was back in my room I apologized to God for having such doubt but it struck me that I was blessed to finally understand what Christ went through. Of course my ordeal was a matter of minutes, His of course was hours. Believe me I am not comparing myself to Christ. anywho... Though I was shouting in out in pain, I had not lost my love of God in that moment, I was just human and I remember thinking, no more, I can't take any more, enough is enough. HELP. God did answer my prayers when he had Fr. Jerry show up, His perfect representative.
Later I saw Fr. Jerry in confession and I apologized for the ugly treatment from the hospital staff, and he said they do that all the time. He was so joyful and said it did not offend him a bit, he was used to that sort of treatment. Made me sad though. So much they give up and yet they are mistreated. Blessed are those who are persecuted for Holiness sake. 
Each time I hear that verse, I remember to pray for priests.

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